[SLATE IN]
Sub: Mystery Science Theatre 3000(Pilot 1)
Date: 10/??/88
Dir: Jim Mallon
Take: 1
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START

[Fade in sound effect, Fade in CG]
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 [Black background, White letters]
[Fade out CG, Fade out sound effects]

[Fade in sound effect, Fade in CG]
WITH JOEL HODGSON (Credit and sounds fade out)

[Fade out CG, Fade out sound effects]

[Fade in, camera 1.]

[CROW is to the left, JOEL in center, BEEPER on the right.]

Crow: Do you think they can see us, Joel Hodgson?

Joel: Yeah, Crow, the transmission light is on, isn't it?

Beeper: [Beep]

Crow: Joel Hodgson, it's the first time Beeper's been seen by a human being. Uh, present company
excluded, that is.

Beeper: [Beep]

Joel: Listen, you guys, I'm going for it. People of Earth, I am Joel Hodgson. I am orbiting your planet on a man-made satellite of my own design. Please tell your president I built these robots. They are also of my own design. Also tell him that I don't like his TV shows very much, except for maybe some of the early "Death Valley Days".

Beeper: [Beep] Yee-ha! [Beep]

Joel: Uh, I present this invention to your planet. It is to aid all races, especially people who are
suffering from back and neck and pelvis injuries. It's called the chiropractic helmet. I'll demonstrate.

[JOEL takes out an invention from under the table and puts it on his head.  The double-bucketed device does an illusion of his head doing a full 360 degree turn.  CROW and BEEPER also spin thier heads]

[JOEL stops]

Beeper: [Beep]


Joel: Crow....Beeper, you don't understand. The human beings on Earth can't twist their heads
around like we can, unless maybe they went to college to study to become ventriloquists dummies or something.

Beeper: [Beep]

Joel: What'd he say?

Crow: He said being a human being must be a rush.

Beeper: [Beep]

Joel: Oh, yeah. It is. 

[Movie sign lights begin to flash]

Beeper: [Beep]

Joel: Hey...Sounds like the theater's opening up. You guys better get outta here.
[CROW exits to the left and BEEPER exits to the right.]
I'll see you on the other side.

[JOEL hits a button panel on the desk and exits to the right.  Doors open, Zoom/Dolly in.]

[Cue Chromakey: Doorway sequence.]

[Cue Chromakey: Theater.]

(START VTR SMPTE-NDF 16:02:00)

------

[JOEL is on the main set seated in center.  CROW is to the left and GYPSY is to the right]

Joel: I mean, when you spend this much time out as I do, you start to get kinda bored. 
[GYPSY starts to groan and growl] 
Hey....Crow?

Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?

Joel: I found the secret of life the other day...but it kind of bummed me out.

[GYPSY closes her mouth]

Crow: You found the secret of life...why did it bum you out?

Joel: Because it was on 8-track.

Gypsy and Crow: [laughs]

[GYPSY swings and knocks into JOEL, who holds her]

Joel: Yeah....You can see the reason I get kinda bored with this after a while.

[Movie sign lights start to flash and GYPSY starts to make noises.]

Hey fellas, better cheese it...the film's calling.

[GYPSY exits to the right and CROW exits to the left.]

Well, I'll see you on the other side.  You can go through, I'll go around.

[JOEL exits to the right.]

[Cue Chromakey: Doorway sequence]

[Cue Chromakey: Theater.]

(START VTR SMPTE-NDF 43:25:00)

END